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  • Writer's pictureKaty D-H

Becoming still before him


Dear friend,


The blue sky is streaked high-off with white outside, and the birds look like they are trying to soar high enough to reach it. I am back in my pyjamas, ready to ward off another threatening energy crash. I am enjoying watching the black fingers of the trees, they are swaying - one of them really does look like it’s waving at me.


“The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing.

He makes me lie down in green pastures,

He leads me beside still waters,

He refreshes my soul.” Psalm 23:1


About two years ago I saw the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. We were on holiday and the house we were staying in was opposite a beach, but you couldn’t actually see the sea because of a huge bank of stones. One evening I crept over there because I could see the twilight coming in. As I climbed over the bank I was completely blown away by what I saw: the blue sky behind the bank fell into a sun-rainbow of colour... copper, neon pink, lilac, rose gold... The most amazing thing though was the sea. It was completely still. It was a holy sight, it looked completely unearthly, like glass but more serene, reflecting the colours of the sky but glowing, serene. It was ridiculous. I sat there til the sun went down trying to drink it in and very conscious that it was completely unholdable, uncollectable. I was also aware that the stillness inside of me could not in any way compare with that in front of me. Compared to that enchanted, ethereal sunset, I was restless.


In the end of the bible, when John has his vision of heaven in Revelation, he has his first glimpse of God the father on His throne. “In front of the throne there was what looked like a sea of glass, clear as crystal.” (Revelation 4:6) I love the idea that in front of God there is a sea that is perfectly still. All the raging storms halt before him.


Jesus stood up in a boat during a furious storm, and “rebuked the wind and the waves, and they were completely calm.” (Matthew 8:26) He is the God of calm and stillness. He can calm the storms in me.


Recently I have been drawn often into a realisation that I am less still than I want to be. Even when my body is technically still there is a churning and working going on in my heart. Sometimes it’s super frustrating to be looking at something lovely but unable to connect with it because we can not stop.


One of the ways I have been experimenting with, to learn rest, is to practice stillness. This starts with physical stillness, and mental stillness. It has over time turned into the beginnings of heart stillness. What we want to cultivate is a place inside us that is like that crystal sea: still before the Lord, no matter what is going on around us. A place we carry with us that is always still before the Lord, like a crystal sea.


The first steps in this for me involved creating spaces. This bit should will look different for us all. I have a nice warm spot by the radiator. I have a favourite blanket I like to wrap around me. I have a lovely old prayer I read before I go to bed with psalms in it, and then I place myself at Jesus feet before I drift off to sleep. I have powerhouse Jesus music that shouts truth at me while I run. I have a bird feeder and I sit by the window and watch the birds. These are some of my still places, where I am trying to train my mind and body to be still. But the stillness is really opening a door in my heart to something much better. Presence. In the stillness I am becoming more aware of his presence with me. God with me. And that changes everything.


If we want to hear His whisper, we have to practice being quiet. And then we can draw close. The most amazing thing is when you’re quiet enough you won’t necessarily hear Him speak. But you can hear Him breathing. There is nothing more reassuringly precious than the knowledge that He is here. He is here. Right now, He is here.


Katy x




 

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